My turtle loves radishes. Or- the weirdest Google search that led to my blog.

Recently, I decided to check my stats page for the first time in months. [I was thrilled to see consistent views even in my absence! Thanks to both of you!]

GET THIS- one of the Google searches that led someone to my page was:

“my turtle loves radishes”

What!?! I could only assume this led them to my radish salsa recipe– but on what earth is my tiny blog about bowels the MOST relevant piece of information Google had to offer about turtles loving spicy root veggies? I thought- this must have been some weirdo who was digging REALLY deep into the archives of Google searching regarding their turtle’s dietary preferences.

I decided to test this for myself using my own Google machine, and to my surprise– BAM! My blog post is the 15th result regarding turtles loving radishes! I am basically famous in a very specific circle that I have no experience in.

Who knows? Maybe someday my blog will come up 15th when someone searches something related to what I write about. Until then I will fight the urge to tag random animals and foods in an effort to build my online presence…

On exhaustion with healthcare systems.

Fatigue. This word perfectly explains so many pieces of Crohn’s- not the least of which is dealing with healthcare systems. I tried to call in and renew my Immuran a few weeks ago and found the prescription was never sent over. So, about a week later I followed up and tried once again to get the University of Fucking Michigan [read: prestigious, arrogant] Hospital to renew the medication I rely on to function. Once again, they failed to do so. Finally, I decided to take a bold stand [by that I mean hold back my shaking voice while using “I” messages with the secretary in an effort for her to do something besides say “hmm, I don’t know.”] and was able to speak with a nurse. The nurse told me I was kicked off of my medication for being late with my bloodwork. Now- I totally understand that taking dangerous medications requires monitoring. But what kind of leading [prestigious, arrogant] healthcare system communicates this important information via snail mail in 2015?!? This was a letter I never received. As a result, i have been off meds for over two weeks. Feels great*

On a positive note- this frustration led me back to you wonderful people! You[r blogs] are the wind beneath my wings.

*Lie.

I AM the 1%… of the 1%…. I AM the .01%

Unfortunately I believe my half marathon dreams have been crushed [for the fall. Not forever]

At my last appointment I found out good news and bad news. The GOOD news is that I have a resting heart rate of 60 beats per minute! [Thanks half marathon training!]

The unfortunate news is that I am flared AND also have pyoderma gangrenosum. That’s right. I have a necrotic tissue disorder. About 1% of the US population has Crohn’s, and about 1% of people with Crohn’s have pyoderma gangrenosum.

I will never allow anyone to tell me I am not special.

.01% FTW

PS – Do NOT Google pyoderma gangrenosum. It is yucky. 

 

For the moments you feel faint.

A friend told me a long time ago (who had no idea that my body is constantly waging war) that we are spirits having a human experience. You are not a body. You have a body. You are a spirit/soul/being/whatever word makes you feel comfortable.

That is the best thing to remember on days like today. I was scheduled to run 6.5 miles. I ran zero miles. Thanks body. My brain is ready for a half marathon. My belly is not.

Luckily, I am not my tortured gut.

Wage Love

Saw this today. I normally find photos of inspirational words a bit cheesy but this feels especially relevant for people with autoimmune diseases. For me, one of the hardest things was feeling like all of me was not on the same team [especially when I lost my mind thanks to prednisone.] Body, mind, and spirit all has to work together if you want to have a chance. You are not the enemy.

Radish Salsa!

Yesterday at one of the farmers markets I work at someone was giving out a sample of radish salsa. It was awesome. I didn’t get a chance to scoop the recipe from her so tonight, after a vendor gave me these gorgeous radishes and watermelon radishes, I decided to make my own! It turned out great! [Because I am not in a flare, I try to eat lots of fibrous veggies to stay healthy. I do, however, still avoid too much wheat and dairy, and totally avoid meat. That is just what I feel like works for me.]

So here is the recipe:

INGREDIENTS:

• 3 bunches of radishes [I had 2 regular and one watermelon. This would also be awesome with daikon.]
• 1 small onion [I used some type of sweet onion, but red onion would be nice]
• Juice of half of a lemon
• Olive oil
• Sea salt
• Pepper
• Dill [dried]
• Mint [dried]

DIRECTIONS:

• Dice up your onion and radishes. I think the tinier the better for this. [This would be awesome with a little bit of diced jalapeno or poblano pepper in it too.]
• Squeeze half of a lemon over the veggies and drizzle some olive oil over the bowl for about 1 second
• Add dried dill, mint and salt and pepper and stir well
• Because there are dried herbs in it and you don’t cook this recipe, the salsa will be better if you let it sit for a few minutes to allow the flavors to re-hydrate.
• I also added a few sweet peas because they were about to go bad. You could also possibly add berries or diced cucumber or anything else that has a fresh taste if you need to use it up.
  
  
  
  I think this would taste great with chips, but I just ate it with a fork with blueberries, sweet potatoes, fava beans, and fried cabbage. It was awesome.

  

  All of these ingredients came from my market, which is one of my favorite things about my job AND about Michigan. It’s always nice to remember that, especially when I’ve had a day where all of the feedback from the community made this much sense: Parks and Recreation  Turtle Flu

• It’s a love/hate relationship.

Epic [Crohnie Safe] Breakfast! Get the Recipe!

Despite being intelligent, unbelievably beautiful, and laugh-out-loud hilarious, I try not to sing my own praises too often. However, even I, the humble beauty, must pat myself on the back for this epic Crohniesafe breakfast.

WARNING: This is an extremely epic breakfast. This is a Sunday brunch breakfast. This is NOT, I repeat, NOT a before-work breakfast. You’ll need probably 30 minutes to an hour to make all of this food. Not to mention the dishes…. Consider yourself warned.

First, to give credit where credit is due, I sprinkled a few wild Michigan blackberries into this unbelievable super simple gluten-free pancake recipe.  I used honey instead of stevia and soy milk instead of cow [‘s milk]. Awesome.

I also made sweet potato hash browns with eggs over easy to go with these awesome pancakes. My sweet potato hash browns were a total whim, and I would do a couple of things differently in the future, but they turned out great overall! Here is the recipe, to the best of my memory, as this was 2 days ago and I wasn’t really using my brain:

Sweet Potato Hash Browns Hash

INGREDIENTS

1 small-ish sweet potato

12 pods of fresh fava beans

4 cloves of fresh garlic

A few sugar peas [I used the peas out of their pods because they had been in my fridge for a minute and the pods weren’t looking so hot]

2 small golden beets [I think this is the most expendable of the ingredients. Again, just didn’t want them to go bad]

2-4 eggs, depending on preferred hash-to-egg ratio

dried dill

iodized sea salt [not being specific because I am a d-bag, most of us are iodine deficient, and table salt is really chemically! Not the best for people who have strong/weird reactions to random things.]

pepper

cayenne [I think. I either thought about using a dash of this or I actually did]

cooking oil [coconut, olive, any]

Goat cheese [I didn’t use any but next time I will sub the beets for some goat cheese]

DIRECTIONS

1. Pop the fava beans out of their pods and put on a plate [or wherever]

2. Shred the small sweet potato. I left most of the skin on because who cares. But if it bothers you, by all means by means of a peeler, peel it.

3. Put some oil in a skillet on about 6 (out of 10) and let it heat up a little. While it is heating, mince your garlic. Throw it into the pan when it is ready.

4. Add chopped beets [or not], fava beans, and peas to the pan and saute for a few minutes until everything is basically cooked through.

5. Push your cooked veggies to one side and add your shredded sweet potato. Add salt and pepper and cayenne and let them cook.

6. Meanwhile, start a second little egg skillet for your eggs over-easy. [I don’t care if you don’t like eggs cooked that way, hash demands it.] 

7. Mix the sweet potato hash browns and other veggies together and let the hash browns get a little brown. Keep an eye on your hash browns while you start your eggs. I always sprinkle my fried eggs with dill. Because the hash was so salty and flavorful, I didn’t add any salt or pepper to the eggs, just the dill.

8. Once everything is done top your sweet potato hash brown hash with an egg. Also, please eat pancakes.

 

I didn’t catch a picture of the pancakes, but I am really happy with the whole breakfast! Everything was grown in Michigan (minus the coconuts for the oil and flour) and everything is really safe for Crohnies/vegetarians, which is a necessity for me. I liked it so well I think I am going to freeze shredded sweet potato for future hash brown usage.

 

Enjoy it!

 

Looks like someone’s got a case of the MUN-daze

Just some humor, because I have no inspiration to offer. Heh.

Im a neutral. It always evens out.

Guys. Look! Baby hairs! That meansssss MY HAIR IS GROWING BACK!!! After my denial, my devastation, and my 40 step plan that I secretly had no faith in, the roids must have finally left my system and my hair is coming back with a vengeance! [Ps- This yucky/sweaty picture of me was taken after a 4 mile run! So thats happening again. Also. Sorry I posted a sweaty picture of my forehead]

Unforch, I cant have a healthy looking body all at once. Sorry to have to post this other gross picture for you all to be grossed out by, but I need help! I think this is keratosis pilaris. Has anyone dealt with this successfully? Let me know! Im down to try anything!

So. In short. Im jerry seinfeld. Everything evens out for me.
Less comical IRL.
We got real personal with this one. Sorry.

What Not to Say to a Crohnie

Recently, I have been a little beaten down by joint pain, skin issues, etc. [Just a few added joys of inflammatory disease.] Because of this, I’ve been unable to run. Due to this sudden lack of endorphin-producing activity, I feel cranky enough to explain annoying things people say to people with Crohns and why they suck. [I’ll try to hold some of the cranky back, so this post is productive and not just ranty.] Without further adieu, I present to you:

How to Not Accidentally Be The Worst as told by Olivia

You have Crohns disease? My friend has Crohns disease.
I always want to say “cool story bro” …mostly because I hate that phrase and feel your words should be met with something I hate. I see that by saying this you are trying to be relatable or something. But the reality is that there is no good response to this. What am I supposed to say? “Ohhh your friend has it. Cool!” No. Its not cool. I feel sad for your friend. Whats worse, some people seem to light up as if they really KNOW you because of their friend. Its almost as if they want you to say “Ohh your friend has it. You must know ALL about it then. Tell me about all your expertise. ” Again, nope. You do not. Its an uncomfortable statement. I suggest avoiding it.

You know, Crohns disease has become a lot more common recently.
As someone in the food-justice world, I may hear this more than the average Crohnie. It’s INCREDIBLY rage-inducing. In one sentence you have indicated that you think you know all about my disease, its a disease that is nothing special, and you think I need to hear statistics about it because my dumbdumb brain has probs never thought to do some research… This statement is typically accompanied by a smug look, as if the person somehow did something right in their life, unlike me, that made them crohns-free. You did not. I dont give a shit what trendy nutrition blog you have read recently about gluten and I do not need to hear about the NPR story you heard [part of] on American diets. I guarantee you do not know anything about Crohns disease that I need you to inform me about. Imagine doing this to other social identities. “Ohh youre mexican? Youre the fastest growing immigrant population in the US.”  “Youre a woman? You are statistically less likely to be CEO of a company” No one needs you to inform them about their own identities. So stop it.

You should really call your doctor. Did you call the doctor? Did you make an appointment? Go to the doctor. What did the doctor say?
I totally understand this is 100% out of concern. I really do. There is no smug-factor, no ignorance,  nothing legitimately awful about this statement. Its just… Im an ADULT. You wouldn’t check in with other adults on the daily about their personal choice to go to the doctor or not with a cold/rash/joint pain etc. I dont share about my health that often, and this reaction can easily make me regret it when I don I also understand that if someone is complaining to you about their ailments you feel the need to help and this may be the only way you feel you can do that. I would suggest, when concerned about your Crohnie friend, just doing a normal check in and allowing them to offer up information about the doctor. You could say “hey how are you feelin?” Or “are you still a little under the weather? Could I bring you anything?” That way you are showing you care while giving them the option of sharing their medical updates with you without demanding their medical info. Maybe they did go to the doctor and dont want to tell you about shitting into a plastic dish or receiving treatment for a raw a-hole. Or maybe they didnt go to the doctor because they only barfed a little today and feel its getting better. You don’t know, and often the details are personal and not something people always feel like sharing. Thats why its good to give the option of vagueness. Also, demanding they go to the doctor can feel like giving them a burden or errand, while asking how they are can feel more supportive.

Can you eat that?/Should you be eating that?
In short, never say these words to another human. In long…
No. Just no. Do. Not. Say. This. To. Anyone. Ever. You are not in charge of me, what I eat, or what I choose to allow myself to be sick from. This isnt even about Crohns. Its sooo fucking condescending. DO NOT POLICE THE FOOD THAT OTHERS CHOOSE TO EAT EVER. That is the rule. Unless they are 8 and your child and they are trying to eat only m&ms for dinner. But even then, choose less passive aggressive/judgmental words. I suggest “no you may not only eat m&ms for dinner because you are 8 and I am your parent and I care about you too much to allow you to get a belly ache.” 

I have IBS/heartburn/gastric reflux
Im sorry you have those problems,  I really am. But often those arent similar to the issues I have (for example those dont often come with joint pain, days of vomitting, skin problems, steroids side effects, immunosuppressant side effects, constant bloodwork, etc) so, once again, it feels like youre trying to indicate that you know how I feel and you simply do not. Also. Just because I have Crohns doesn’t mean I want to hear about your bowels. If we are friends and you have questions, yes of course im here for you and love to offer friends with any IBS-type issues advice on diet or whatever you need. But if youre a rando on the street, please do not assume a Crohnie wants to know the intimate details of your lactose intolerance.

“…but I know it cant be as bad as you feel!”
It is legitimately really sweet of you to recognize your 24 hr flu probably does not register on the Crohnie Richter scale to me. But its ok to tell me about it!! You dont need to feel weird about complaining to me about your cold,  pain, pregnancy-induced morning sickness, flu, etc. Those are all legitimately complain worthy things! It’s not a contest! I get that if you feel sick to your stomach for even an hour thats a shitty night for you. I also get why it probably feels weird to tell me about it. But it almost feels like I should never say anything about how im feeling so people dont feel like they cant tell me about how theyre feeling since its not “as bad” as what im dealing with. You see how that can go to a weird place. I am a firm believer in the individuality of experiences. If youre normally operating at 100% then I can absolutely sympathize with you feeling at 80%, even of your 80% might look like an ok day to me. Also. Its nice to be confided in. Dont take that away from me 🙂

There are definitely other phrases to avoid, but this has been sufficiently cathartic for today. I may even try to rest up and ease back into the running routine tomorrow. [Wishful, but possible] Hopefully,  this was helpful and ranty and not simply ranty for ranty’s sake. If you have an addendum,  please share!